The Road to Hell is Paved with good intentions.

and those good intentions are ‘getting a gym routine back’ – it takes you straight to hell.

It’s not so much the ‘New Year’s Resolution’ element of losing weight (Of which I have none) it’s more the fact that it’s the end of the feasting. Feasting for the heart, the soul, the holiday and the thighs. All of those Chrismas pies seem to be having their own “Occupy Angel’s Bum” protest. And I need to become a military state, and evict them.

I haven’t weighed myself in a few months, but I assume I have about 5kgs to lose (probably more, but I might just panic and eat more nutella-stuffed-browned- butter-choc-chip-sea-salt cookies if I knew that. Baby steps.) We all have those ‘fat day’ slouchy pants that we either bought by mistake or were forced to buy legitimately at a low time in our lives. I have a pair of cargo pants that usually need the belt, a size or two too big – comfy pants. I put them on this past week, and they fit – snugly. Perfectly. *shuddered breath*

I’ve been mentally chiding myself every day that it’s time to go back to gym, but we all know the first few days/weeks into a gym are the hardest. Let alone the burning lungs, the aching muscles, the face-to-face with your weakness… the fact that your skin often breaks out as your body detoxes, my gym (the wonderful Dragon Power Muay Thai) have moved across the city. They used to be 2 blocks away, now they are out of the city bowl – and this excuse filled little lazy demon inside me cannot justify the traffic lights and highways I would have to navigate to go there.

First things first, I have to admit defeat and cancel the debit order. I’ve been guilt-paying that gym subscription for 10 months. 10 months that I’ve only ‘hypothetically’ considered even going to gym. I love that gym, i love the classes and the trainers. But it’s time to stop pretending to myself that I’m actually ever going back. The denial is almost worse.

Then I have to find a new gym. In my area. In my preferred price range.

Cape Cross Fit got alerted to my sarcastic tweet about joining a gym in “New year’s resolution month” and (brand plus) started interacting. Turns out, they are 3 blocks from my apartment. I’ve heard they are pretty expensive though, but what’s the price on health, durability and fitting into skinny jeans with no muffin top? Visa might say priceless. I’m also scared because I know that they don’t eff around. No lazy, half hearted flapping in the back of the class. That might seem like a pro. But to this lazy, sluggish (still pale, mid summer) bum on the couch right now, it seems like a reason to hide.

Virgin Active in Wembley Square is also jogging distance from my place, and offers all of the benefits of a glossy chain gym including the wifi-kauaii-yoga class high pony-tailed-ness.

I believe there are Yoga studios in my neighbourhoods too. As a person whose only experience with “gymming” is living in Thailand at a Muay Thai camp and then doing Muay Thai with Dragon Power in SA. I’m a bit of a rookie, and I’m scared that the High School environment of ‘chai latte sipping gym moms’ might intimidate me into NOT figuring the gym out properly. (Am I the only one who TRIES to act like I know what I’m doing, only to find that the thing I was so seriously using to sculpt my arms is actually meant to me lain down on, for your butt?) I’m too much of a dork to ever feel like I fit in in a cool, designer gym clothes wearing environment.

If ANYONE has any gym advice, or (Gardens or CBD area) gyms or fitness programmes that you love – please comment or tweet me @YesReallyAngel.

I’m going to the initiation with Cape Cross Fit on Tuesday at 7pm. I will report back once I regain my vision.

(Going back to gym also means no more lazy eating and drafts of beer. It’s all or nothing with me. This saddens and terrifies me.)**

The thing that saddens and terrifies me more than the potential dizzying fatigue, aching muscles, skin break outs and cutting back on all the foods and drinks that bring me joy – is the idea that I might lose control of the slippery slope of being 30 and newly metabolism-retarded. I know each person has their own body image, and some people will say I’m still completely fine. I don’t have body dysmorphia; I know I’m mostly fine. But I feel lazy, unfit and… wibbly. And I must fix that. Stat.

Here’s a little comparison of a year:


1st January 2013 - Still in the time of muay-thai gymming and feeling fit. In Thailand with my roomie, Siv Ngesi.


January 3rd 2014 - Holiday photo from this year that I've hidden from social media until now - because I'm ashamed of my wibbly bits. Namibia with the Argentinian.

Mmm. for Motivation.

**I’m hoping to re-read this whole post in 3 months with ‘lol’ as I am back to being fit, toned and ‘hoo raah master chief’

*lazy high five*

(Thanks to Raising Men’s blog post for inspiring me to be open and honest about this journey. Read her heart and soul in story format here: )


About YesReallyAngel

quirky, sardonic, sarcastic, ironic, satirical girl. Lover of marshmallows and high-fives.
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7 Responses to The Road to Hell is Paved with good intentions.

  1. Frank says:

    I hope you find something you like!

  2. The time to fix this kak is NOW. I refuse to be an old flabby tannie. Happy to be mostly old. Good luck chocolate sauce! x

  3. Neil says:

    Best gym in CT –
    Right in Gardens opposite the Ferrari place!
    Whip you into shape in no time and reasonably priced.
    Just a warning that they do have chunda buckets!!

  4. Jessica says:

    Makes 2 of us Angel… im so scared Ive gotten myself a trainer….female…in the hope she wont be too hard on my wobbly bits!

    Will keep you posted… good luck girl ☆

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