It’s fun to look back and reflect… especially when you’re driving and trying to parallel park… in fact, it’s advisable.
History Majors will tell you that you have to know where you’ve been before you know where you’re going (but you may have fallen asleep before they managed to finish that sentence, because… well, history majorzzzzZzz…)
Back at the end of 2008, I lived in Korea – I was isolated from humanity. (Unless you count Koreans, as human.. which some people do. Fair enough.) And I was an English teacher…. to kids (I know, right!? Me, alone with kids… and there were no fatalities, that they know of.)
This was also back in the time before twitter. Facebook was still pretty entertaining. People played Farmville, and still wrote about themselves in 3d person status updates and we walked barefoot in the snow.
I had never considered stand-up comedy as a carreer, I still just knew I wanted to be an actress and a witty writer… (No Mensa points for me for never putting those two hands together into “write your own jokes and perform them on stage… DUH!” – But I got there, 3 years later. All in due time. as they say. before we punch them for the cliche.)
So it’s quite entertaining to read my words as a 25 year old… how I proudly proclaim “I judge anyone who doesn’t laugh at my jokes” (I still do, but now i have to say – “Tough crowd, everyone dies, I’ll get better…” Fuck humility. 25 year old Angel knew what was UP. I would like to offer her a *timewarp high five* for making 29 year old Angel smile…
Below is the direct copy/paste of one of the Facebook fads, known in 2008 as “25 things about me” – or as I titled it, “25 Effing things. I’ve done it, can I go home early now?!” (because I’m so charming.)
Present day, meet Past me:
Ok, so as annoying as these things are – I kinda feel bad for ignoring the ones I’ve been tagged in, coz the voyeur in me kinda likes reading them all – but you need to just know that I mock and judge you for doing it.
But now I join your ranks, so i’m eating the humble pie – at least I get to eat pie though, right? Yum!
~25 things you may, or may not know about Angel~
1: Angel Blythe Campey is in the lesser known dictionaries of the world – a Noun but can also be an Adjective meaning: ‘Awesome’ ‘Amazing’, ‘Inspirational’ and ‘Damn, I wish I was more like that girl.’
(true fact – I can’t prove it, but it’s a fact.)
2: The most important thing you need to know about me is: “sparkely things” Just say yes. Any kind of sparkle will do.
3.Nothing amuses me more than inappropriate and offensive jokes. And I judge people who don’t laugh at my jokes.
4.It takes a lot of pushing my buttons to upset me. I’m pretty chilled out. But if you are gonna waste time pushing buttons you may as well push the ones that give me pleasure (and yes, that is a sexual innuendo, thank you.)
5.South Africa is the greatest country in the world, and I will fight you on this. With sticks, and a few high kicks. Check yourself before you WRECK yourself.
6.You’ll know I truly like you as a friend the second I start making fun of you – you may cry yourself to sleep because of me, but that’s ok. At least we’re friends now.
7.I am a chronic insomniac. 4 am is a totally normal time for me to go to bed. This is due to a combination of my need to not miss out on anything ( I truly don’t like sleeping, too much living to be done), not to mention the clowns that will try to eat me if I sleep and the monsters under my bed.
8.I am deeply sentimental and I keep ticket stubbs, till slips, empty bottles, sea shells and a myriad of other things to remember the days. My collection of past lover’s kidneys are starting to make the neighbors suspicious though.
9.Strangers who smile at me on the streets make my soul smile. (it’s a pity I play a little game called ‘if you smile at me I have to sell you into human slavery, for the greater good’. – but it was a nice gesture all the same.)
10.I laugh behind your back if you use bad grammer, spelling or syntax.
I would laugh in your face, but it’s usually online so that wouldn’t be practical.
11.One day i’m going to be famous enough to ignore you on the streets. (While my body guards slam you to the curb.)
12.I don’t understand the rules of most spectator sports but i’m still an avid fan. Mostly because I like the smack-talk I can throw at the opposition and the high fives to be hurled when I cotton on to the fact that my team has done something good.
13.It’s a pet peeve when people I meet for the first time make cracks about my name. But in the same thought, when people DON’T react to it, I feel like they weren’t listening properly.
14.I believe in fairies. (there’s no joke here, that’s a true story.)
15.I don’t believe in doctors. I go to herbal healers, psychics, traditional healers and if that doesn’t work…drink a liter of water and WALK IT OFF!
16.My greatest fear is something bad happening to people I care about when i’m not around. (After all, if i’m not around – then I won’t get to point and laugh. ;)
17.If God doesn’t exist then how do you explain macadamia nut chocolate toffee brownies?
18.My life is made up of a string of awesome moments connected by happy reflective times (while I clean my weapons.)
19.The smell of my passport, the sound of pencils clinking in a pencil-case, Fireworks and lastly: thunderstorms – remind me of the four boys who were the greatest loves of my life, so far. (In that order – which span from when I was 16 to 25.)
20.I say I prefer to date boys with blue eyes (to continue Hitler’s ayrian race) but only one of the 4 boys listed above actually had blue eyes. – so I guess i’m a total liar.
21.I will be late for our appointment. Always. The trick is to tell me a time 20 mins earlier… and I may only be 10 mins late then.
22.I’m writing a book – so far I have the page numbers done.
23.My mom is the single most important person in my life, she has been my rock and my wings. But I treat her with the same mockery and ill intent that I afford most of my friends. She is the most intelligent clueless person I know and her advice is always invaluable, although I’ll deny it if you tell her I said that. – it scares and delights me that I catch myself sounding more and more frequently like her, the older I get.
24.I think the image of a red helium balloon against a clear blue sky is the embodiment of joy, love and happiness. (I came to this realisation after a week of snorting acid and mainlining bootlegged heroin.)
25.Most of the things that I say are not to be taken seriously. I believe in the credo: Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.