Tag Archives: #MissBikerSA

Does this bikini make my personality look fat?

“I wish I was wearing more photo-shop in that picture”

Let me walk you through this unlikely chain of events… A friend of mine asked me to enter an online ‘search for the new face of’, I thought he was asking me as a means of activating the site. A proto-type entry, if you will.

A few weeks later, I get told I’m on the short-list. This was pretty laughable, as I’m over the hill and no longer in the schmodel world. I had to go for an ‘in person’ interview. I joked that my personality needed to not let me down, but really knew that they’d offer me a zimmer frame as I shuffled my granny bones out of the interview once they saw how mistaken they had been.

Here comes the high five moment… Standing at the Kings of Leon concert, in the Golden Circle (which my awesome friends had managed to smuggle me into) Watching my buddies slam the most epic air guitars known to imaginary rockstars, after smuggling an 8 meter piece of kelp into the concert… and having no less than two run ins with the cops en route to the concert (both of which ended in high-fives and us thinking that cops are pretty rad people) — I got an sms on my phone, telling me that i’d made the top 8 finalists for the Miss Biker SA search. ME? *high five* I nearly fell off my zimmer frame with excitement.

Friends 'supporting' me at KOL

Am I the oldest? Of course.

Did I expect this? Of Course not.

Am I stoked? So very very stoked!

Here’s my profile on the site

All 8 of us Finalists.

The prize is to be the spokesperson for Think Bike, and the Cape Town Bike Festival, as well as over R500 000 worth of prizes. Yes. Half a million. *swallow*

Here are some of the questions they asked me and like the sarcastic comedian I am.. the answers I provided. (They had to Edit me down in the actual article which you can read here:)

1)    What is the most important quality you look for in a man? Well, I’d say a pulse is a good start. It could just get awkward without one. Raises a lot of questions that I wouldn’t feel comfortable answering should the police ask.

Secondly, (because I’m a stand up comedian) he obviously needs to have a sense of humour. Not even a “sense” of it, a pretty firm GRASP of humour is essential. I like to look up to my men, and I’m pretty tall. So I prefer tall guys. That about covers it. 1.Alive 2. Funny 3. Vertically gifted.

On the shoot of Miss Biker SA

2)    Chicken or fish? Was it Einstein who said, “if you judge a fish by it’s ability to climb a tree, it will go its whole life thinking it’s stupid”?

I think that applies here. Not that a Chicken can climb a tree, but it can’t swim and a fish can. Chicken doesn’t go well with slap-chips but fish doesn’t go well with Sunday roast. Now I’m hungry. And I want to climb a tree.

3)    Would you ever get a tattoo? If so what and where? I used to think it would be pretty cool to get angel wings tattooed on my shoulder blade so that I could finally answer all those people who say “wow, your name’s Angel? Where are your wings?” But now I have decided that it’s better to stare at them, and whisper “People don’t have wings…  does your doctor know you’ve stopped taking your medication?” So, no – I have no need for tattoos anymore.

4)    If you could be a male celebrity, who and why? I would be Ryan Reynolds. So that I could stare at myself in the mirror without a shirt on all day.

5)    What is “VA VA VOOM”? It’s what a person with a stutter and speech impediment would sound like if they were trying to say ‘room’? ……… No, va va voom is sexy. It’s like Ryan Reynolds on a super bike, with a tattoo – eating chicken, after climbing a tree. And revving that engine… va va voom. Grrrrrowl.

Vote for me by clicking here and then clicking ‘like’

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Miss Biker SA

Imagine YOU could help someone win R500 000 worth of prizes, just by clicking twice on the internet. 

What’s that? …. you CAN! Holy smokes… this is your lucky day. Talk about a ‘good deed’… 

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE… what if i told you, that by simply clicking on a link, you could see photos that this was ‘behind the scenes’ of… 

I know, it all sounds too good to be true. But that’s the beauty of RandomHighFives…. I allow you to make dreams come true, and perv. That’s like when you slip R100 into that Russian stripper’s thong. Making her dream of going to college and buying goats for her village back home come true, at very little inconvenience to yourself. My name’s not Angel for nothing.

Here’s how: CLICK HERE and then CLICK LIKE. 

You’re welcome.

BUT WAIT THERE’S EVEN MORE!!!

Simply by clicking ‘like’ on that page you could win tickets to The Cape Town Bike Festival. Watch this 30 second clip:

Good, Now that I have your attention. I hope you will like the link. (what link again? THIS LINK) You can win tickets… you can make a girl’s dream of not worrying about rent money and reverting to stripping… in her bedroom. (The girl is me… by the way. In case you’re practicing full retard) and you can see that girl in latex and bikinis… plus, wouldn’t it be nice if a stand-up comedian got some votes, and became a spokesperson for Think Bike before she’s well and truly over the hill… on a dirt-bike.

And check out the rest of the @CTBFestival on Twitter. 16th-18th December.

It’s going to be sick. The good sick. Not the doctors bill kinda sick but the ‘dollar dollar bill’ yo kinda sick.

*Biker Chick High Five*

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